How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
