oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize