It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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