It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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