I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
