apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
