I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
