Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
