you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
