Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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