I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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