dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
