I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
