I think im going to throw up on grandma
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize