Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize