Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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