Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
