I must be too annoying 4 u.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
