You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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