how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she smelled like a LAN party
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
