Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
