Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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