Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
