a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
