Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
