he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Less talking, more tequila
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
