this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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