Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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