you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
