i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
