Can i not drive my cunt home
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
