Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
