Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
