strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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