Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
