I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just blew my weed a kiss
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize