OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
