Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
