Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
