...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize