Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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