I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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