he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
