my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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