Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
