im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
