My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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