He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize