Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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