The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
