her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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