yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The adults are the big ones right?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
