I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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