the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
