Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I enjoy the company of your penis
do nipples grow back?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
