This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My dick has a subreddit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
