Im at strip club and am horny
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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