If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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