i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
