there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
