Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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