Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
