Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
