So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
