I just saw a hot homeless man
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just had sex on a roof
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
