why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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