Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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