i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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