Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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