We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize