Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize