Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Randomize
