So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
